Monday, October 5, 2015

Miley Cyrus' Tongue

As a long time subscriber to People Magazine, I consider it to be a cut above the trashy tabloids. The reporting is accurate and attributed to reputable sources; they don't print rumors or speculate about cheating scandals or possible baby bumps. Even so, it must be a sign that I'm getting old or out of touch when I've never even heard of many of the "celebrities" they report on.

Then there are the really annoying "stars" that grace the cover and the pages of People all too often. The overabundance of coverage they give to some so-called celebs gets on my nerves. I'm sick of seeing them in People or anywhere else for that matter. The winner for most annoying, over exposed media darling is......

Miley Cyrus' Tongue:  With her money-making Disney persona, Hannah Montana, long dead, Miley wants to show off her body parts so everyone can see just exactly how grown up she is. None of her parts are more irritating than her tongue. Not even the twerking is as off-putting. For a self-professed grown-up, Miley sure does stick out her tongue a lot.

I for one am sick of seeing this tongue in photos. You can't open an issue of People without being subjected to Miley's pink appendage.  Keep it in your mouth, Miley!!

(Sidebar - if I ever did meet Miley, I would totally call her Hannah Montana just to mess with her)
Being that I am not a fan or a follower of Miley, I had no idea about the scope of this tongue problem. It's not just her go-to pose, it's a big deal.

She's in a short film called Tongue Tied which you can watch on-line, although I don't recommend it. Surprisingly, it doesn't feature her tongue as much as her other nearly naked body parts. Perv warning - it's not erotic, just weird. But then, if you're a perv you've already seen it and you're not reading this so.... never mind.

In her last world tour she even rode down a huge tongue slide protruding from a massive cartoon of her face. A tongue slide?  I had no idea.

Sticking her tongue out is Hannah's, I mean Miley's, signature move. A couple of year's ago Barbara Walters asked her, "why the tongue?" (I'm paraphrasing.)  She replied that she felt so embarrassed having her picture taken by so many paparazzi that she felt awkward and didn't know how to smile. Yeah, right.  Her name is a mispronunciation of Smiley (if memory serves). The most photographed woman of the 21st century and she feels awkward and embarrassed. Puh-leeze.

Now, the tongue has T-shirts and copycat selfies and an artist in Britain has painted a portrait of Miley using his own tongue as the brush. This tongue thing is bigger than all of us.  It's madness!

I envision a huge tongue coursing down the streets of New York, knocking over sky-scrapers, crushing cars and leaving a river of slobber in its wake. Innocent citizens will be running for their lives while the Avengers shake their fists at it and say, "We're not licked yet!"

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