Saturday, July 25, 2015

Having it All... in a Big Handbag

Is it my imagination, or are purses getting bigger and bigger?  Most of the women I know are walking around with huge faux leather totes.  Many are even wheeling a suitcase behind them as well, for their laptop and whatever other items they just can't leave home without.  I'm not judging.  I have a lot of stuff in my purse too.  It's all important, it's all big and it's all very, very HEAVY.

I long to be the kind of gal who only needs a cute little cross-body bag, strolling along with my hands free, nothing weighing me down.  But then, where would I put all my stuff?

It's definitely time to pare it down. So here is a conversation with myself about exactly what constitutes the bare essentials.


  1. Wallet
  2. Keys
  3. Phone
  4. Pens
  5. Lipstick
Great, that all fits into the small bag.

Also Me:  But wait, what about if I need to write something down?  Like a grocery list or a recipe or a friend's address or something?

Me:  Okay - Item #6 - a SMALL notebook.  It still fits.

Also Me:  And, I really need more than just a lipstick.  I also need my lip stain, foundation, cover stick, loose powder, mascara, and three kinds of eye liner, 

Me:  You don't need all that makeup.

Also Me:  Yes, I do.  I need all this makeup, just in case.  I may have to do a touch-up. I mean, you never know.  George Clooney could walk by.  Or I could have a sneezing fit and wipe all my makeup off on a tissue.  All kinds of things could happen. 

Me:  George Clooney?  Need I remind you that you are married?  As is George Clooney?

Also Me:  Right, I know, I didn't mean that.  I just meant... maybe he wants to hire me to write a script for him and I want to look professional.

Me:  Oh, so you're a script-writer now?

Also Me:  Well, I could be. You don't know. 

Me:  Fine - Item #7 - zippered makeup pouch.  But now it doesn't fit so we're going to have to upgrade to the clutch purse.  Still cute but not as carefree as the cross-body bag.  

Also Me:  If we're going with the clutch, then I would also like to squeeze in a paperback novel, in case I get bored or have to wait in a line.  You know, I need something sensational to read on the train.

(right now I'm giving myself that judgmental, over the glasses stare and I know what I'm thinking)

Also Me:  I know, I could just read my kindle books on my phone but, I like the feel of real paper.  Also, I don't want to run down the battery so....

Me:  (losing patience with myself) Squeeze it in - Item #8 - paperback novel.  But that's it, no more.

Also Me:  Right, nothing more..... except....

Me:  What?  What is it now?

Also Me:  (said in a whisper) Emergency supplies

Me:  What are you talking about?  It's not like I can read your mind.  (suddenly realizing that yes, I can)  Oh, emergency supplies like ibuprofen and benadryl?  (I toss them into the bag) - Done!

Also Me:  (in a more urgent whisper) No, I mean like tampons and maxi pads.

Me:  Why are your whispering, you are a grown woman?  What is wrong with you?

Also Me:  What's wrong with me?  You're the one talking to yourself?

Me:  Whatever, okay.  I'll put those in too. Now we are done here.  The bag is packed and we are good to go.  Nothing else is going in here.  There's no more room.  No granola bars, no hand lotion, no coupons - it's not necessary.  This is it!  

Also Me:  Um... well, there is just one more little thing.  

Me:  What?  

Also Me:  The day planner.

Me:  (speechless, walking out of the room)

Also Me:  Wait, where are you going?  

Me:  To get the big tote.  Paring down is just not going to happen.  

Thursday, July 16, 2015

It's Cherry, Not Sherry!

For as long as I can remember I have had to explain to people how to  pronounce my name.  It's spelled Cherri, so I understand when they see it written they might think it's pronounced Sherry or Sherie' (with the emphasis on "rie.")  Frequently, though, I am misunderstood when I introduce myself and I always take great pains to speak clearly.  It goes something like this:

Me:  Hi, I'm Cherri

Them:  Did you say Sherry?

Me:  No, Cherry.

Them:  Jeri?  Terry?

Me:  No, Cherry. With a C-H.

Them:  Cheryl?  Sharon?  Charity?

Me:  No, Cherry, like on top of an ice cream sundae.

Them:  Oh, Cherry!  That's such a pretty name.

Me:  Thank you

Then, that person will proceed to call me Sherry for the next three years until I decide to correct them again.

It recently occurred to me that, 100 years from now, people will be strolling through the cemetery and see a tombstone that reads, "Here lies Cherri...." and they will say, "Hmmm - Sherry, how strange that she has a purple tombstone."  (I really like purple so....)

Anyway, my ghost will become so incensed at the mispronunciation that I will rise up and haunt that person for the rest of the day - maybe causing them to spill cherry soda on their nice linen slacks. (I imagine that's what they will be wearing for a visit to the cemetery).

I thought that if I changed the ending of my name, people would understand how to pronounce the beginning of my name.  So, I looked into the steps involved in a legal name change.  It is quite a process.  I would have to fill out a petition and a legal order for name change, get the forms notarized, get fingerprinted, file all the paperwork at the county courthouse and pay over $200.  Then, I would have to appear before a judge to explain myself.  I would be a little embarrassed trying to explain all this to a judge. I'm sure she (or he) has much more important matters to deal with than me trying to get people to say my name right.

The other day I answered the phone at work and this time things were different.

Me:  Thank you for calling Sunny's Liquor, Cigar, Wine, Keg, and Beer Emporium.*  This             is Cherri, how my I help you?  (*Not my actual place of employment)

Caller:  Did you say Cherry?

Me:  Why, yes I did.

Caller:  Oh, my goodness.  My best friend is named Cherry and I've never heard of      
              anyone else with that name.

Me:  Wow!  That is so weird.  I've never head of anyone with that name either.

Caller:  Her middle name is Beth.

Me:  What?  That's amazing, my middle-name is Beth too.  (weird coincidence)

Caller:  It is?  How strange.

Me:  Yep, Beth, not Elizabeth, just Beth.

Caller:  Wow - There's another Cherry Beth in the world.  I'll have to tell my friend.  Do you              spell it with a Y.

Me:  No, I spell it with an I at the end.

Caller:  Oh....  (awkward pause)   Anyway, I was calling to speak to Sunny.  Is she in?

Me:  Please hold.

This actually happened earlier this week. Strange but true.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Million Dollar Ideas for Your Car

I'll never forget my first car, a cherry red Mustang convertible.  It was a sweet ride.  I was the envy of the neighborhood, cruising with the top down, and I never even left my driveway, I was four.  Yep, I was the proud owner of a 1960s style Ford Mustang Pedal Car.  Classic!
My vehicle now is a lot more mundane but it gets me where I'm going so, that's all that matters.
Or, is it?

Living in Houston often means living in your car. Most of us have a commute of about two hours a day. That's a lot of time behind the wheel.  A lot of time to think up some good ideas.  Million dollar ideas in fact, as in "This idea could make me a million dollars!"  And the great part is, most of these inventions can fit right in your dash board.  Just get rid of the glove compartment.  Who needs it anyway?  Has anyone ever actually stored gloves in there?
Here are my Million Dollar ideas for your car.  All of these are designed to save time for the commuter and make the ride to work more productive and enjoyable.

  1. Dashboard Coffee Maker - I can't tell you how many mornings I have been running late and there was no time to make myself a travel mug of coffee for my ride in to work.  It would be so much more convenient and a real time saver if I could make my coffee in the car on the way to work.  
  2. Dashboard Micro Wave - Imagine how much time you could save if you weren't stuck in line at the McDonald's drive thru every morning. Make your own breakfast right there in your car. You could heat up your own sausage biscuits, blueberry muffins or even oatmeal.  And why stop there, cook hot pockets for the kids on road trips and there's no need to stop for lunch.
  3. Hair Dryer - Now that your basic needs for food and coffee are being met, lets turn our attention to grooming.  You could definitely get an earlier start in the morning if you didn't have to spend all that time drying and styling your hair. A blow dryer in the car is just the thing to get you to work on time and looking gorgeous. For those who prefer the old-school salon hood dryers, we could have a drop-down option that allows you to dry your hair hands free.
  4. Clothing Steamer - Nothing wrinkles up your business attire like a long car-ride. That's why you need an in-seat clothing steamer. This feature will steam out the wrinkles in your pants and jacket while you drive.  An added benefit, it can also be used as a sauna and help clear your pores.
  5. Massage Chair - We already have heated seats.  Why not take it a step further and put a spa quality massage chair in the car. You've seen them at the mall or the nail salon. Ease the tension caused by bad traffic or a hard day at the office with a massage during your commute. And if you get too relaxed and start nodding off, fire up your dashboard coffee maker for a jolt of caffeine to keep you going.
So there you have it.  All you inventors out there, get cracking.  All I expect is 75% of the profits.  Message me and I'll tell you where to send the check.