Saturday, July 25, 2015

Having it All... in a Big Handbag

Is it my imagination, or are purses getting bigger and bigger?  Most of the women I know are walking around with huge faux leather totes.  Many are even wheeling a suitcase behind them as well, for their laptop and whatever other items they just can't leave home without.  I'm not judging.  I have a lot of stuff in my purse too.  It's all important, it's all big and it's all very, very HEAVY.

I long to be the kind of gal who only needs a cute little cross-body bag, strolling along with my hands free, nothing weighing me down.  But then, where would I put all my stuff?

It's definitely time to pare it down. So here is a conversation with myself about exactly what constitutes the bare essentials.


  1. Wallet
  2. Keys
  3. Phone
  4. Pens
  5. Lipstick
Great, that all fits into the small bag.

Also Me:  But wait, what about if I need to write something down?  Like a grocery list or a recipe or a friend's address or something?

Me:  Okay - Item #6 - a SMALL notebook.  It still fits.

Also Me:  And, I really need more than just a lipstick.  I also need my lip stain, foundation, cover stick, loose powder, mascara, and three kinds of eye liner, 

Me:  You don't need all that makeup.

Also Me:  Yes, I do.  I need all this makeup, just in case.  I may have to do a touch-up. I mean, you never know.  George Clooney could walk by.  Or I could have a sneezing fit and wipe all my makeup off on a tissue.  All kinds of things could happen. 

Me:  George Clooney?  Need I remind you that you are married?  As is George Clooney?

Also Me:  Right, I know, I didn't mean that.  I just meant... maybe he wants to hire me to write a script for him and I want to look professional.

Me:  Oh, so you're a script-writer now?

Also Me:  Well, I could be. You don't know. 

Me:  Fine - Item #7 - zippered makeup pouch.  But now it doesn't fit so we're going to have to upgrade to the clutch purse.  Still cute but not as carefree as the cross-body bag.  

Also Me:  If we're going with the clutch, then I would also like to squeeze in a paperback novel, in case I get bored or have to wait in a line.  You know, I need something sensational to read on the train.

(right now I'm giving myself that judgmental, over the glasses stare and I know what I'm thinking)

Also Me:  I know, I could just read my kindle books on my phone but, I like the feel of real paper.  Also, I don't want to run down the battery so....

Me:  (losing patience with myself) Squeeze it in - Item #8 - paperback novel.  But that's it, no more.

Also Me:  Right, nothing more..... except....

Me:  What?  What is it now?

Also Me:  (said in a whisper) Emergency supplies

Me:  What are you talking about?  It's not like I can read your mind.  (suddenly realizing that yes, I can)  Oh, emergency supplies like ibuprofen and benadryl?  (I toss them into the bag) - Done!

Also Me:  (in a more urgent whisper) No, I mean like tampons and maxi pads.

Me:  Why are your whispering, you are a grown woman?  What is wrong with you?

Also Me:  What's wrong with me?  You're the one talking to yourself?

Me:  Whatever, okay.  I'll put those in too. Now we are done here.  The bag is packed and we are good to go.  Nothing else is going in here.  There's no more room.  No granola bars, no hand lotion, no coupons - it's not necessary.  This is it!  

Also Me:  Um... well, there is just one more little thing.  

Me:  What?  

Also Me:  The day planner.

Me:  (speechless, walking out of the room)

Also Me:  Wait, where are you going?  

Me:  To get the big tote.  Paring down is just not going to happen.  

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