Monday, June 20, 2016

Random Stuff

Cat Lady decal on back of car -I am endlessly entertained by the weird stick figure families on the back of people's cars.  I've seen these decals depicting zombie families, star wars families and more.  I was just telling my daughter Cissy that I would like to see a decal of a single woman with about six cats.  Then we saw this:  One woman, one cat.  However, she must have a child in band somewhere, as evidenced by the sticker above her head.  Also, she is a native Texan.  I'm not sure why the band kid is not included in the decal family - I don't judge, I don't know her life.  I am merely here to observe and report.

I'm here - Every morning at the salt mine where I work - one of my co-workers comes in about an hour after I do - his shift is later.  I chirp, "Good morning, how are you?"
His reply is always, "I'm here."
It's not an enthusiastic, roll-call type of "I'm here."  It's more of a beleaguered, down-trodden, sigh.  It's as if he's saying, "despite great hardship and bitter personal struggles, I have managed to drag my sorry carcass to work today."  Every single morning.  Why?  Is he in such dire straits that coming to work on a daily basis is never a certainty?  I mean, he's full time.  He's supposed to be "here" every day at that time.
Cissy said maybe he means, "How am I doing?  Well I'm here in this awful place so I can't be doing that well, now can I?"  or perhaps, "I am here - in the present moment.  I am living in the now!  Isn't that great?"  But that's not my interpretation.
This guy is not the only one who says this.  I've heard other people say it, somewhat sarcastically.  "I'm here, I managed to show up today, I would rather be anywhere else but here, but I gotta pay the bills so, here I am."
Yeah - well Good Morning to you too.

I don't know if - Occasionally people call the salt mine and they have questions.  It's my job to get them to the right person who can answer their questions.
Some of them say what they want right up front - these people are efficient.  I love them.  Who do you want to talk to?  Bob.  Thank you, I will transfer you to Bob.
Maybe they don't know Bob's name.  Maybe they say, "I need to talk to someone in the Delivery Department."  Great.  Thanks.  I'll transfer you to Bob.
Then there are the "I don't know if" people.  These people drive me crazy.  Here's how their phone call typically goes.
Me:  Thank you for calling the Salt Mines - this is Cherry - how may I transfer you to someone who can actually help you, such as probably Bob?
Them:  Hi Sherry - My name is Gwendolyn Felicity Quakersnort.  (not her real name).  Maybe you can help me.  (No - I can't).  I have a question about the salt mines because I need to get some salt and I don't know if you sell salt or if you sell salt and pepper or if you deliver salt or if I've been using too much salt.  And I don't know if there's salt in my recipe and I don't know how salt works and I don't know if you guys are located in my home town or if you are somewhere else and I don't know if there's a location near me where I can get salt and I don't know how much you charge and I don't know if you take checks and I don't know if you take credit cards and I don't know if.....
They never pause, they never let me get a word in edgewise.  If they did I could say:
If you're going to list all the things you don't know - we will be here until next Tuesday.  I realize you don't know - guess what - we have someone here who DOES know.  His name is Bob.  Please hold while I transfer you.

Short story writing - I am attempting to write a short story.  It is a piece of fiction and it's supposed to only be about 10 pages long.  I have not gotten past the idea stage.  Here's why:
Every day I come up with what I think is a great idea.  I write a brief synopsis of my idea during my lunch break.  Then it's "time's up, back to the salt mines" and off I go back to work.  That is the only writing time I have in my day.  It is also my only time for facebook, texting friends (yes, I do have some friends), and listening to my voice mails from Walgreens.
Anyhoo - the next day I reread my brilliant idea and decide that it's' crap.  Delete, delete, delete - rewrite - then back to the salt mines.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Every day this week.
Tomorrow is Saturday and I am determined to push on through this - whether my idea is a good one or not, this story is going to get written!
I told Honey Bunch one of my ideas and his response was, "and I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling kids."  (note to millennials - that's a reference to Scooby Doo - Google it).

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