Saturday, August 15, 2015

What a Drag it is Getting Old

Things are different today.

Note:  I am frequently annoyed by 30-somethings who complain about how old they are getting, as in, "OMG - I can't believe I'm going to be 33 next week!!! I am sooooo OLD!!!" I just want to tell them to SHUT UP!
So, if you are a person who is older than me - I apologize in advance for this blog.  I am going to complain about being almost 50.  Also, I would like to thank you for making me feel younger.  Go ahead and tell me to shut up.  It won't work but I might like hearing it.

This past week I had three conversations with friends about what kind of arthritis medication they are taking.  I wrote them all down.  I looked them up on WebMD.  I printed stuff out so I could ask my doctor about them.  How did this happen to me?  We used to talk about where we bought cute outfits or good movies to see.  Now it's all about our aches and pains.

Last week I wore contact lenses to work.  I used to wear them all the time.  I thought I looked better with contacts.  Well, not any more. Here is an exchange between me and a friend at work that morning.

     Ethel:  (not her real name) You look tired

     Me:  No, I got plenty of sleep last night.  I feel great.

     Ethel:  I don't know what it is, you just look exhausted!

     Me:  Really?  Why?

     Ethel:  I mean, you look seriously EXHAUSTED!  (huge emphasis on "EXHAUSTED")

     Me:  (realizing it's because she's never seen me without glasses) Oh, it's just the first
              time you've actually seen the bags under my eyes.

     Ethel:  (giggling)  That must be it.

     Me:  (perturbed)  Just get out of here!

As if that weren't bad enough, the young whipper snapper who works in accounting, we'll call him Jeffrey, recently came across an ancient relic in the world of office supplies.  One of the more mature new-hires brought with her an actual steno pad.  You can still buy these at Walgreens so they're not that ancient.  Jeffrey had never seen one though.

For the uneducated, a steno pad is a 6" x 9" notebook with a spiral at the top.  Secretaries used them to take dictation from their bosses back in the old days. My grandmother always had one laying around for grocery lists or whatever. So, in his confusion, Jeffrey came to me.

     Jeffrey:   Hey, Sherry, you ever seen anything like this? (showing me the notebook)

     Me:  Yes, it's a steno pad.  And my name's Cherry not Sherry.

     Jeffrey:  Right, sorry.  So, a steno pad?  ...  Hey, when you were younger, did you used
                   to write in shorthand?

     Me:  (Oh, Hell No!  He did not just ask me that!)  No, Jeffrey, I'm not THAT old!  You've
               been watching too much Mad Men.

     Jeffrey:  What?  Oh, yeah.  Actually, I never watched that show.

     Me:  Just get out of here!

I'm beginning to understand why the elderly are always so grouchy.

Recently, I watched an excellent movie on this very subject.  If you haven't already seen it, get the DVD for While We're Young starring Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts. It perfectly depicts the reluctance to accept what we call middle-age.


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